Really loving this picture right now.
I'm trying hard to find the things that make me happy, and to allow myself to be happy instead of dwelling on the rough elements of life.
I've been a bit of a mirerable wretch these past weeks.
My purse was stolen 2 weeks ago on vacation, including all my keys (I drove there), wallet, phone, camera. A week and a half later I have finally replaced everything except the camera, which makes me feel like a little bit of my soul is still missing. I am more at home behind a camera than almost anywhere else. The reason I have not replaced my camera is because this past week I had a car accident, bending my wheel, steering and either bending or crushing just about everything else associated with it. Insurance has made me indescribably angry and frustrated, and has left me feeling stupid and naiive. Hovering over all of it has been having my grandmother go from the hospital to moving out of her cottage and into an appartment and having she and her daughters go through all of her possesions and divide them amongst the family. It has left me upset and confused and depressed and scared, not having seen or talked to her throughout it all. And then I broke all our soup bowls. Yes, the last could have been much worse, but it was just the last crack in the foundation.
So I am trying, desperately trying, to work little by little to see the good things that exist and not dwell on all the bad. My friends have been incredible and encouraging. My boyfriend has been patient and kind. My family came to visit. My cat is continuously rediculous. I've been spending more time than I have in many months reading the blogs I love of some amazing women, emersing myself in the beauty of their lives, showing me how to find the beauty in my own. This morning outside the grocery store, I heard seagulls. Their mournful cries reminded me how lucky I am to live near to the coast and to take advantage of it more than I have. Take a walk along the harbor. Drive to the Eastern Shore. Just stop for a moment and breathe the salt air.
Most of all just slow down.
Slow down and close my eyes and breathe.