What is Right Feels so Wrong

I throw myself into life.  I work hard.  I love hard.  I live hard.  I do things the hard way.  I know no other way.  I have a good and full life with good and righteous people.  I have learned to have this by slowly purging my life of the things and stressers that bring it down and don't help me build up the relationships I have. 

So, when after giving all I have, giving lots of chances and second chances and so much leeway, I need some of that given back.  Who doesn't need both ways?  So now, after all my chances and nothing in return, after months of less than crickets, now communication finally becomes a good idea?  I am so enraged I can't speak.  I gave all of myself and all I seemed to get in return was torn down.

So, sorry, I have other plans.  I do not want to see you.  My friends, brother agree.  I own you nothing.  Not even a response (though I will anyway).  I will see you on my own terms, not yours.

But...
If this is what everyone says is the right thing to do....
Why am I still so unsure?
Why do I still want to (if not get things right) get an explanation? 
Why can't I let it go again.  I was done. 

I don't know what kind of sense any of this makes.  None, most likely.  I just want to run from it all.  Run and not look back and not have any of this be any wear near as hard as it always is.